This is not a "Mommy Blog"

Let's make a few things clear before I continue raving like a lunatic.

The Ridiculous Department is not merely a title for a one-woman show; it is a collaboration of understanding amongst good, sane, logical people of like minds and unlike lifestyles. The phrase was coined by Mr. C while discussing some long-ago matter of stupidity, likely a current event, when it was suggested that what we were talking about was so beyond reason that it should be filed to this department.

Here we are. These are our files. They are not constantly updated as I am the only one with any time or gumption to voice them, and as a mother of 2.5 children I have very little spare time as it is. This is now my late night project, after they are asleep and Mr. V is still at work; I cannot let it hinder my domestic duties, but it will hinder my desire to fall down Wikipedia rabbit holes for hours (I'm running out of interesting topics.)

Which leads me to my next point - this is not a so-called "Mommy Blog". I am not a "Mommy-Blogger". I may at any point lead into a tirade that involves parenting, but I highly doubt that I will become a guest blogger for any of the potently vicious parenting sites available online. I am not their class, for one; more importantly I cannot fathom turning everything I talk about into something that has to do with child-rearing. It is boring. I do not expect or wish to have viral arguments exploding in my comments about whether or not elimination communication is a viable parenting choice in major cities, or just how organic a cheese cracker has to be before it is not classified as junk food.

(My stances on these two items are pretty simple, by the by; if you are training your child via EC, you damn well clean up after your child as you would a dog on a leash. Also, you damn well tell other family members about "cues" so no one ends up with diarrhea lap. As for organic food - if you didn't grow it yourself in your own soil, you should be hard-pressed to make snobby commentary about foodstuffs. Everyone has to eat, and you cannot expect everyone to have access to the same "cow-shares" and other luxurious farmer novelties. Worry less about organic crackers at playdates and more about Freezies as snacks at daycare. Really.)

My goal here is to reach the widest audience possible via a single common denominator - humor. Every topic we cover here, even just the tiniest snippets of conversations or public happenings, is meant to be viewed as funny. Of course, there are hilarious aspects of parenting and they are covered quite well in other areas of the internet. This, however, is not an exclusive forum to parents alone, and I don't want to exclude readers.

If you want to laugh at parents because you are childless, I recommend STFU Parents. If you want to laugh at parents because you have children and understand, try The Stir. If you just want to read some ridiculous ranting about whatever happens to bother us that day, do stay here.

But, if you make the choice to stay here and entertain yourself with my words, let this be known - it is a weblog. It is meant to be mostly text-based, with very few pictorial aids. I simply do not understand why or how individuals become popular by yelling at their web camera (if you like that sort of thing, Mr. Greene is pretty boss at yelling about very particular subjects) or, ever-popular, how they do so by slapping on sixteen pounds of makeup and pressing their cleavage together while baby-talking chihuahuas about what boys say in cars. There's nothing funny about that to me; it's random douchey people talking. If I wanted to see or listen to that, I could go to a bar or a local university quad.

The only time you will ever see me grace a webcam with my presence will be to poke fun at other popular "vloggers" and there will be no editing. If I cannot say it all in one go without chopping and editing the video, the point is lost completely. I will not make up my face just to do it, and I really don't care if nobody ends up reading this. If I can't win without breasts or political shouty rants, I don't want to win. Straight up.

Thus ends today's lesson. Go in peace and keep pointing out stupidity, friends.