3/31/2010

what the parents think is a good idea.

what i think is a good idea: stop fucking feeding your kids mcdonald's all the time and fucking learn what to do with your frying pans, you lazy jackasses.

ronald mcdonald is not the devil. he's not col. sanders.

here's another good idea: stop fucking paying for cable, because it's commercials that make kids want things. not the actual clown himself. THE CLOWN IS NOT WHAT TASTES GOOD.

LOOK HOW SHOUTY YOU IRRESPONSIBLE, LAZY, FINGER-POINTING PARENTS, HAVE MADE ME. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY.

*cough* apologies.

discuss?

Just Asking...

Does Jermaine Jackson have the sides and back of his hair painted on?

This is a totally serious question.

I think he might be from the same planet Prince is.

3/30/2010

Kathryn Heigl is the Ultimate Ridiculous Dept. Contributor

I absolutely loathe Kathryn Heigl. Detest.

Why? Because she is the penultimate example of being a privileged, whiney bitch.

I mean, okay, who am I to judge celebrities as people? You're right, dear reader - I have no right at all to judge the actual personality of the people I read about daily.

But this bothers me in a way that previously, only Perez Hilton could bother me.


I recently read the interview that Heigl gave on her decision to leave Grey's Anatomy so abruptly. This interview on its own is nothing special - Heigl often gives interviews, as she is most definitely a talented* actress. (*talented being subjective.) She explains that she simply had to do it, and she hopes the fans aren't disappointed.

Now, I mean, in my head I'm already explaining why she had to leave - she just adopted a little Asian girl named Naleigh (who is possibly one of the most adorable celebrity babies ever.) She wants to stay home with her new daughter all the time, now that she is famous and has several movies under her belt upon which to live off the gratuities. She explains in this interview that she is exceptionally grateful for being able to HAVE this little girl, saying that adoption isn't cheap - well, how did you make that money to adopt her, anyway? You made it by acting for your fans. Grey's Anatomy is a wildly popular show with a large fanbase, and it is arguably the one proper mainstay in Heigl's career.

Because I think we all know that without Grey's, 27 Dresses and Knocked Up certainly wouldn't have happened.

Every time this woman opens her mouth, bullshit falls out.

"I'm so grateful for what I have."
I have everything I want so I don't need you tools anymore.

"Naleigh is amazing."
I paid a shitload of money for this little girl, money you as the fans gave me, and I just took her with me to my little sister's party where she was introducing her brand new baby (that she created biologically). Because I always need the spotlight. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.


"I hope the fans aren't disappointed."
I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want, including leaving production early and requiring Izzy to be written out of any future cameos before season end. I know you'll be disappointed, but I'm hoping you'll still come see the next movie I decide to lift my finger to act in.

She complains about being married, she complains about her work hours, and she does whatever the fuck she wants. I hope the fans are disappointed. I'm not even a fan of Grey's Anatomy at ALL, but I feel for anyone who actually liked Izzy as a character. I am sorely sorry for you, for even trying to enjoy your favourite show.

May I suggest right now that the only good role Heigl has ever had was when she was a chubby brunette med student being hacked to pieces in Valentine.

May I just SUGGEST that when your big break into Hollywood is being sliced to pieces by a surgical scalpel in a movie starring David Boreanaz, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY ACTUALLY ACTING GRATEFUL TO YOUR FANS WHEN YOU BECOME A RUNAWAY SUCCESS.

May I also suggest that if that bitch doesn't want to be on Grey's Anatomy, I'll take over the role of Izzy Stevens, because I COULD REALLY USE THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU DUMB TWAT.

Overheards and Overheads

"Did you ask her about Friday?"
"She's not single, dude... she has two babies in diapers."
"... and?"
"If there's anything I like better than making music, it's solving a groovy mystery!"

(randomly quoted while working on PowerPoint)