2/28/2010

I'm Feeling Very Olympic Today

Otherwise known as, "Coverage of the 2010 Winter Games using only gossip websites, hearsay, Facebook feeds, and the honking outside"

#1 Scotty Lago acts himself a fool - then blames it on the Azns.

Double-yoo tee fuck. He won bronze, and in celebration, decided to walk about the streets of my fair Vancouver with it adorning his codpiece - then had photos taken of some lovely young thing removing it with her teeth.

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: if ANYONE other than your mom knows who you are, and a picture is taken of you, it will end up on the internet. That's how Facebook works - ruining your job applications with the ease of showing your future employers just how hammered you were last New Year's, through someone else's brilliant tagging. You see where I'm going?

So, being appropriately appalled, the Olympic Committee ordered Scotty to either apologize and pack, or just leave on the spot. Away from the Olympic Village goes the tool.

Then, in recent snippets from sources, we find that in an effort to sound smooth, Lago likened his incident to one where Michael Phelps found himself troubled by the creator of Laineygossip - also Asian. I'm not touching this with a ten foot pole. How American of you! *cough*

Just gross, alright? Shut your damn mouth, Lago, and don't do stupid shit with Olympic medals to begin with. I could list all the wrongs done, but I'm sure they're pretty evident. Certainly don't blame your troubles on a generalization of a multitude of races of people thereafter.

FACEPALM RATING: 5/5

#2 Homophobic commentators assigned to ice-dancing = FAIL

Johnny Weir proves himself to be a spectacular athlete with individual flair.

Commentators deem themselves fit to spew hatred towards lifestyle choices and say some very rude things that have nothing to do with ice dancing, really, at all. Cannot fully understand where their original ignorance/hatred lie; is it that they dislike gay men, they dislike Johnny Weir specifically, or they really just hate the sport of ice-dancing in general? Is all very hazy.

Johnny Weir gives spectacular press conference soundbytes and is very poised and articulated.

My question to the commentators who didn't deserve the honour of their job:

Did you expect Brett Favre to get out there and stomp around the ice to the soundtrack of Team America: World Police? How manly did you expect this sport to be? Priorities on what you're judging, here. It's the Olympics. Everyone except the snowboarders wear Spandex - and the snowboarders were wearing snowpants made to look like distressed and baggy jeans, which actually made them look like toddlers in hip Walmart winter gear. I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT THE SEXUALITY OF OUR ATHLETES IN THESE CONDITIONS.

FACEPALMS: 5/5

#3 Canadian Girl's Drinking/Hockey Team celebrates on ice, losers sore losers

Pictures are leaked of Canada's women's hockey team celebrating victory on the ice after the fans had left. Stogies were had, champagne was poured directly into mouths, hockey skates were still on.

Problem? I see none. They won. No one else was there.

Someone gets their panties in a twist, pictures hits the internets, Canada apologizes. Profusely.

Point? None. Holy crap, how uptight are you people?

FACEPALMS: 2/5

#4 Canada Beats US in Hockey

... it was always our gold. That's all I have to say about that.

FACEPALMS: 0/5 ... y'all played a tight game though! Good game! Good game!