10/27/2010

T4F: Prologue

My newest segment is short and to the point.

Every time I'm reading (gossip rags, news, Wikipedia, whatever) and something incenses me enough that I can only blurt out random obscenities, here they shall go.

I'm calling this T4F; short for "Tears for Fears". Har har - an abbreviated SHOUT-out. I'm so clever.

Shall we?

Taylor Momsen: PUT ON SOME FUCKING PANTS.

Nobody likes dirty magic underaged hookers. Oh, and get over not being in Twilight. I HAVE to point this out - you got to fake-bang Ed Westwick as Little J. Not looking emaciated and sparkly. You honestly want to tell me that one hot British guy is simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH because he's NOT Robert Pattinson? Don't you have parents?!

(Editor's note to the Momster: Jenny Humphrey was supposed to be an awkward, chunky brunette girl. Since you don't feel so blessed to have been given her role, I could suggest someone more willing - myself. ALSO I KNOW HOW TO WEAR PANTS AND SMILE.)

Michael Lohan: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

SRS BSNSS. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Perez Hilton: I don't believe you.

People who care about "Sister Wives" for any reason: YOU ALL KNEW POLYGAMY EXISTED. YOU ALL KNEW TLC WAS THE DEVIL. YOU SHOULD'VE FIGURED THAT OUT WITH THE GOSSELINS.

Frankly, I applaud the multi-wifed man. How does he deal with 3 blondes and a brunette all menstruating together?

That is all in T4F for today.