"This is all very scientific. When you're making a movie, it requires some type of obstacles to overcome that throw a wrench into the gears of a perfectly lain out plan. Clearly, a car not starting is a boring and bland conflict for a romantic comedy, unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances. BUT IF YOU'RE MAKING A DOOMSDAY MOVIE, and your main characters are TRYING TO ESCAPE A HUNDRED-FOOT TSUNAMI, and the CAR WON'T START, that's gonna put asses on the edges of seats, is it not?"
4/06/2010
3/31/2010
what the parents think is a good idea.
what i think is a good idea: stop fucking feeding your kids mcdonald's all the time and fucking learn what to do with your frying pans, you lazy jackasses.
ronald mcdonald is not the devil. he's not col. sanders.
here's another good idea: stop fucking paying for cable, because it's commercials that make kids want things. not the actual clown himself. THE CLOWN IS NOT WHAT TASTES GOOD.
LOOK HOW SHOUTY YOU IRRESPONSIBLE, LAZY, FINGER-POINTING PARENTS, HAVE MADE ME. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY.
*cough* apologies.
discuss?
what i think is a good idea: stop fucking feeding your kids mcdonald's all the time and fucking learn what to do with your frying pans, you lazy jackasses.
ronald mcdonald is not the devil. he's not col. sanders.
here's another good idea: stop fucking paying for cable, because it's commercials that make kids want things. not the actual clown himself. THE CLOWN IS NOT WHAT TASTES GOOD.
LOOK HOW SHOUTY YOU IRRESPONSIBLE, LAZY, FINGER-POINTING PARENTS, HAVE MADE ME. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY.
*cough* apologies.
discuss?
Just Asking...
Does Jermaine Jackson have the sides and back of his hair painted on?
This is a totally serious question.
I think he might be from the same planet Prince is.
This is a totally serious question.
I think he might be from the same planet Prince is.
3/30/2010
Kathryn Heigl is the Ultimate Ridiculous Dept. Contributor
I absolutely loathe Kathryn Heigl. Detest.
Why? Because she is the penultimate example of being a privileged, whiney bitch.
I mean, okay, who am I to judge celebrities as people? You're right, dear reader - I have no right at all to judge the actual personality of the people I read about daily.
But this bothers me in a way that previously, only Perez Hilton could bother me.
I recently read the interview that Heigl gave on her decision to leave Grey's Anatomy so abruptly. This interview on its own is nothing special - Heigl often gives interviews, as she is most definitely a talented* actress. (*talented being subjective.) She explains that she simply had to do it, and she hopes the fans aren't disappointed.
Now, I mean, in my head I'm already explaining why she had to leave - she just adopted a little Asian girl named Naleigh (who is possibly one of the most adorable celebrity babies ever.) She wants to stay home with her new daughter all the time, now that she is famous and has several movies under her belt upon which to live off the gratuities. She explains in this interview that she is exceptionally grateful for being able to HAVE this little girl, saying that adoption isn't cheap - well, how did you make that money to adopt her, anyway? You made it by acting for your fans. Grey's Anatomy is a wildly popular show with a large fanbase, and it is arguably the one proper mainstay in Heigl's career.
Because I think we all know that without Grey's, 27 Dresses and Knocked Up certainly wouldn't have happened.
Every time this woman opens her mouth, bullshit falls out.
"I'm so grateful for what I have."
I have everything I want so I don't need you tools anymore.
"Naleigh is amazing."
I paid a shitload of money for this little girl, money you as the fans gave me, and I just took her with me to my little sister's party where she was introducing her brand new baby (that she created biologically). Because I always need the spotlight. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.
"I hope the fans aren't disappointed."
I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want, including leaving production early and requiring Izzy to be written out of any future cameos before season end. I know you'll be disappointed, but I'm hoping you'll still come see the next movie I decide to lift my finger to act in.
She complains about being married, she complains about her work hours, and she does whatever the fuck she wants. I hope the fans are disappointed. I'm not even a fan of Grey's Anatomy at ALL, but I feel for anyone who actually liked Izzy as a character. I am sorely sorry for you, for even trying to enjoy your favourite show.
May I suggest right now that the only good role Heigl has ever had was when she was a chubby brunette med student being hacked to pieces in Valentine.
May I just SUGGEST that when your big break into Hollywood is being sliced to pieces by a surgical scalpel in a movie starring David Boreanaz, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY ACTUALLY ACTING GRATEFUL TO YOUR FANS WHEN YOU BECOME A RUNAWAY SUCCESS.
May I also suggest that if that bitch doesn't want to be on Grey's Anatomy, I'll take over the role of Izzy Stevens, because I COULD REALLY USE THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU DUMB TWAT.
Why? Because she is the penultimate example of being a privileged, whiney bitch.
I mean, okay, who am I to judge celebrities as people? You're right, dear reader - I have no right at all to judge the actual personality of the people I read about daily.
But this bothers me in a way that previously, only Perez Hilton could bother me.
I recently read the interview that Heigl gave on her decision to leave Grey's Anatomy so abruptly. This interview on its own is nothing special - Heigl often gives interviews, as she is most definitely a talented* actress. (*talented being subjective.) She explains that she simply had to do it, and she hopes the fans aren't disappointed.
Now, I mean, in my head I'm already explaining why she had to leave - she just adopted a little Asian girl named Naleigh (who is possibly one of the most adorable celebrity babies ever.) She wants to stay home with her new daughter all the time, now that she is famous and has several movies under her belt upon which to live off the gratuities. She explains in this interview that she is exceptionally grateful for being able to HAVE this little girl, saying that adoption isn't cheap - well, how did you make that money to adopt her, anyway? You made it by acting for your fans. Grey's Anatomy is a wildly popular show with a large fanbase, and it is arguably the one proper mainstay in Heigl's career.
Because I think we all know that without Grey's, 27 Dresses and Knocked Up certainly wouldn't have happened.
Every time this woman opens her mouth, bullshit falls out.
"I'm so grateful for what I have."
I have everything I want so I don't need you tools anymore.
"Naleigh is amazing."
I paid a shitload of money for this little girl, money you as the fans gave me, and I just took her with me to my little sister's party where she was introducing her brand new baby (that she created biologically). Because I always need the spotlight. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.
"I hope the fans aren't disappointed."
I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want, including leaving production early and requiring Izzy to be written out of any future cameos before season end. I know you'll be disappointed, but I'm hoping you'll still come see the next movie I decide to lift my finger to act in.
She complains about being married, she complains about her work hours, and she does whatever the fuck she wants. I hope the fans are disappointed. I'm not even a fan of Grey's Anatomy at ALL, but I feel for anyone who actually liked Izzy as a character. I am sorely sorry for you, for even trying to enjoy your favourite show.
May I suggest right now that the only good role Heigl has ever had was when she was a chubby brunette med student being hacked to pieces in Valentine.
May I just SUGGEST that when your big break into Hollywood is being sliced to pieces by a surgical scalpel in a movie starring David Boreanaz, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY ACTUALLY ACTING GRATEFUL TO YOUR FANS WHEN YOU BECOME A RUNAWAY SUCCESS.
May I also suggest that if that bitch doesn't want to be on Grey's Anatomy, I'll take over the role of Izzy Stevens, because I COULD REALLY USE THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU DUMB TWAT.
Overheards and Overheads
"Did you ask her about Friday?"
"She's not single, dude... she has two babies in diapers."
"... and?"
"She's not single, dude... she has two babies in diapers."
"... and?"
2/28/2010
I'm Feeling Very Olympic Today
Otherwise known as, "Coverage of the 2010 Winter Games using only gossip websites, hearsay, Facebook feeds, and the honking outside"
#1 Scotty Lago acts himself a fool - then blames it on the Azns.
Double-yoo tee fuck. He won bronze, and in celebration, decided to walk about the streets of my fair Vancouver with it adorning his codpiece - then had photos taken of some lovely young thing removing it with her teeth.
FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: if ANYONE other than your mom knows who you are, and a picture is taken of you, it will end up on the internet. That's how Facebook works - ruining your job applications with the ease of showing your future employers just how hammered you were last New Year's, through someone else's brilliant tagging. You see where I'm going?
So, being appropriately appalled, the Olympic Committee ordered Scotty to either apologize and pack, or just leave on the spot. Away from the Olympic Village goes the tool.
Then, in recent snippets from sources, we find that in an effort to sound smooth, Lago likened his incident to one where Michael Phelps found himself troubled by the creator of Laineygossip - also Asian. I'm not touching this with a ten foot pole. How American of you! *cough*
Just gross, alright? Shut your damn mouth, Lago, and don't do stupid shit with Olympic medals to begin with. I could list all the wrongs done, but I'm sure they're pretty evident. Certainly don't blame your troubles on a generalization of a multitude of races of people thereafter.
FACEPALM RATING: 5/5
#2 Homophobic commentators assigned to ice-dancing = FAIL
Johnny Weir proves himself to be a spectacular athlete with individual flair.
Commentators deem themselves fit to spew hatred towards lifestyle choices and say some very rude things that have nothing to do with ice dancing, really, at all. Cannot fully understand where their original ignorance/hatred lie; is it that they dislike gay men, they dislike Johnny Weir specifically, or they really just hate the sport of ice-dancing in general? Is all very hazy.
Johnny Weir gives spectacular press conference soundbytes and is very poised and articulated.
My question to the commentators who didn't deserve the honour of their job:
Did you expect Brett Favre to get out there and stomp around the ice to the soundtrack of Team America: World Police? How manly did you expect this sport to be? Priorities on what you're judging, here. It's the Olympics. Everyone except the snowboarders wear Spandex - and the snowboarders were wearing snowpants made to look like distressed and baggy jeans, which actually made them look like toddlers in hip Walmart winter gear. I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT THE SEXUALITY OF OUR ATHLETES IN THESE CONDITIONS.
FACEPALMS: 5/5
#3 Canadian Girl's Drinking/Hockey Team celebrates on ice, losers sore losers
Pictures are leaked of Canada's women's hockey team celebrating victory on the ice after the fans had left. Stogies were had, champagne was poured directly into mouths, hockey skates were still on.
Problem? I see none. They won. No one else was there.
Someone gets their panties in a twist, pictures hits the internets, Canada apologizes. Profusely.
Point? None. Holy crap, how uptight are you people?
FACEPALMS: 2/5
#4 Canada Beats US in Hockey
... it was always our gold. That's all I have to say about that.
FACEPALMS: 0/5 ... y'all played a tight game though! Good game! Good game!
#1 Scotty Lago acts himself a fool - then blames it on the Azns.
Double-yoo tee fuck. He won bronze, and in celebration, decided to walk about the streets of my fair Vancouver with it adorning his codpiece - then had photos taken of some lovely young thing removing it with her teeth.
FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: if ANYONE other than your mom knows who you are, and a picture is taken of you, it will end up on the internet. That's how Facebook works - ruining your job applications with the ease of showing your future employers just how hammered you were last New Year's, through someone else's brilliant tagging. You see where I'm going?
So, being appropriately appalled, the Olympic Committee ordered Scotty to either apologize and pack, or just leave on the spot. Away from the Olympic Village goes the tool.
Then, in recent snippets from sources, we find that in an effort to sound smooth, Lago likened his incident to one where Michael Phelps found himself troubled by the creator of Laineygossip - also Asian. I'm not touching this with a ten foot pole. How American of you! *cough*
Just gross, alright? Shut your damn mouth, Lago, and don't do stupid shit with Olympic medals to begin with. I could list all the wrongs done, but I'm sure they're pretty evident. Certainly don't blame your troubles on a generalization of a multitude of races of people thereafter.
FACEPALM RATING: 5/5
#2 Homophobic commentators assigned to ice-dancing = FAIL
Johnny Weir proves himself to be a spectacular athlete with individual flair.
Commentators deem themselves fit to spew hatred towards lifestyle choices and say some very rude things that have nothing to do with ice dancing, really, at all. Cannot fully understand where their original ignorance/hatred lie; is it that they dislike gay men, they dislike Johnny Weir specifically, or they really just hate the sport of ice-dancing in general? Is all very hazy.
Johnny Weir gives spectacular press conference soundbytes and is very poised and articulated.
My question to the commentators who didn't deserve the honour of their job:
Did you expect Brett Favre to get out there and stomp around the ice to the soundtrack of Team America: World Police? How manly did you expect this sport to be? Priorities on what you're judging, here. It's the Olympics. Everyone except the snowboarders wear Spandex - and the snowboarders were wearing snowpants made to look like distressed and baggy jeans, which actually made them look like toddlers in hip Walmart winter gear. I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT THE SEXUALITY OF OUR ATHLETES IN THESE CONDITIONS.
FACEPALMS: 5/5
#3 Canadian Girl's Drinking/Hockey Team celebrates on ice, losers sore losers
Pictures are leaked of Canada's women's hockey team celebrating victory on the ice after the fans had left. Stogies were had, champagne was poured directly into mouths, hockey skates were still on.
Problem? I see none. They won. No one else was there.
Someone gets their panties in a twist, pictures hits the internets, Canada apologizes. Profusely.
Point? None. Holy crap, how uptight are you people?
FACEPALMS: 2/5
#4 Canada Beats US in Hockey
... it was always our gold. That's all I have to say about that.
FACEPALMS: 0/5 ... y'all played a tight game though! Good game! Good game!
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